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It is the spookiest time of the year, which means it’s also time to tell scary stories. Gather around, and listen to this harrowing tale of witchcraft.
Near a small town in the countryside, there lived in a forest cave a coven of witches. They were the three Wicked Witches of the Woods, and they were known throughout the land for their hideous appearances.
There was the Wrinkly Witch, whose skin was marred all around with deep, terrible wrinkles and lines; the Withered Witch who had a complexion so dry she looked like she was covered with old worn leather; and the Waxy Witch, with skin so oily that people ran screaming at the mere sight of her.
It was the night of Halloween, and the witches wanted to go and wreak mischief on the small town. There was just one problem - although they were wickedly proud of their terrible looks, it was clear already from afar that they were witches.
What could they do to sneak into the town without alarming the unsuspecting townsfolk, they pondered. Then, the Waxy Witch came up with a dastardly plan!
“Let’s brew a magical ointment in our cauldron that will give us the fairest skin in the land! Then we can waltz into the town without anyone stopping us,” she suggested. What a wicked, witchy scheme it was. And so, with an eerie cackle, the witches got to work.
They conjured hellfire under their cauldron, and began to consider the ingredients they should add to their brew. But a spell of such power required more than the usual newt’s eye and bat’s bladder.
A Dark Wash And Deep Black Seas
For the first ingredient, the Withered Witch pulled out an ominous, black bottle of TruSkin Charcoal Face Wash.
“This cleanser, black as the darkest night, contains reishi mushrooms, coconut charcoal, and astragalus root extract,” the Withered Witch explained to her sisters as she emptied the bottle into the cauldron. “It will absorb all impurities and clear the gunk from our pores. Our skin will be as fresh as a spring rain!”
All three shuddered at the thought of anything so clean, but these were the sacrifices they needed to make for their wicked plots.
The Waxy Witch, determined to not be outdone by her friend, went to dig through her chests and bags. She rummaged through troll nail clippings and snake tongues until she triumphantly held up an old, dusty container of TruSkin Ocean ineral Daily Face Super Toner.
“Yes, yes!” she cackled. “The minerals from the deepest, darkest ocean in this concoction will help all the other potions we’ll use absorb into our skins. It’s packed with other natural, herbal ingredients too that will give us a… Ugh, bright, healthy complexion, like marshmallow and witch hazel extract.”
“That’s my favorite kind of hazel!” said the Withered Witch, clapping with excitement as the Super Toner was added to the cauldron.
A Serum to Beat the Rest
Watching her sisters work, the Wrinkly Witch tapped her foot in deep thought. She wondered what she could add to their brew that could help them bring about the most terrifying Halloween the townspeople had ever known.
Then it hit her! Another witch had ages ago gifted her some TruSkin Tea Tree Clear Skin Serum. She rushed to her cabinet of magical implements and returned with the eerily blue bottle that seemed to almost glow in the dark cave.
“Oh, this is the most powerful, concentrated serum we’ve ever used,” she hissed with malicious glee.
“Even better than toad’s venom serum?” the Waxy Witch asked.
“Much better! Its anti-aging tea tree extracts and salicylic acid will smooth out even my hideously lovely wrinkles and lines,” the Wrinkly Witch said with a sinister laugh. She poured the serum into the cauldron and turned to the Withered Witch.
“Now we’ll need something to moisten our skin. Your face is so dry that anyone with eyes would know you’re a witch from miles away!”
Perfecting the Spell
The Withered Witch flashed all of her three teeth in a mischievous grin and pulled out a tube of TruSkin Retinol Moisturizer.
“Way ahead of you, sister,” she said as she squeezed the tube that was as green as her face. “This lotion holds vitamins, botanical acids, and shea butter that will moisturize even my withered skin!”
The three wicked witches stared at their brew as it bubbled in the cauldron. It looked nice and evil, but they couldn’t help thinking that something was missing from the perfect witchy skincare recipe.
Suddenly, the Waxy Witch got an idea. She went back to a chest and produced from it another black container.
“Our eyes are all puffy and there are dark bags hanging under them. This TruSkin Eye Gel should take care of that,” she declared.
“Yes, I’ve heard of it,” said the Wrinkly Witch, nodding as the gel was added to the cauldron. “Anyone using it will get smooth, bright eyes with no dark circles around them. It must be the botanical amino acids and cucumber hydrosol contained in the gel. It’s awfully un-witchy!”
What Wicked Witchcraft!
Finally, the witches’ terrible concoction was complete! All they needed to do was to speak the magical words to activate the brew. Evil laughter echoed in the cave as they recited the spell:
“Cauldron bubble and bring trouble
Upon the town and make it double!
Licorice root and horsetail plant,
Will our witchy skins enchant!
Oils of herbs and flowers too,
All have been added in our brew.
Give us smooth skin and eyes so bright,
Make us pretty this Halloween night!”With the spell cast upon the brew, they grabbed handfuls of the bewitched lotion and smeared it onto their faces. Like magic, the witches’ dry and terrible faces transformed into flawless visages!
“Look at me!” exclaimed the Waxy Witch, gazing at herself in a smudged mirror. “Not a drop of oil on my face. I’m hideous!”
“And my skin feels so fine and smooth,” the Withered Witch moaned, running her fingers down her cheeks. “What have we done? This is awful! Will we stay like this forever? We’ll be laughing stocks with all our fellow witches!”
“Worry not, sisters. I still have an ace up my sleeve!” the Wrinkly Witch, now without a line on her skin, said confidently. And indeed, from her sleeve she pulled out a bottle of TruSkin Vitamin C Face Cleanser.
“This gently foaming cleanser will remove even the thickest make-up lickety-split! Once we’re done scaring the townspeople senseless, we’ll have our old witchy faces back.”
And so, as shadows of bats flapped across the full moon leering in the black sky, the witches stole off into the night. What terrible tricks they played on that small town near the woods on that Halloween! But that, my friends, is a whole other story.
DISCLAIMER: Unless you’re a wicked witch casting ominous spells, don’t pile on skincare products like you’re throwing them in a cauldron. TruSkin highly recommends always using our products according to label instructions.
Three Wicked Witches: A Halloween Tale of Witchcraft and Skincare
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Avast! Ye be reading the log of dread pirate captain Abraham Carver, who be known across all the seven seas as “Fancyhide”. If ye be a landlubber, begone with ye; but if ye be a fellow pirate, read on for the secret to me greatest treasure.
I soon be sailing for a destination better not mentioned. But know ye, that the seas where I’m headed be treacherous. So, I be scrawling this note to be buried with me most precious effects, so they will not be lost to Davy Jones’ locker.
Me crew be thinking this chest holds gold and jewels. But nay, in it I store me beloved skincare products. Why, did ye think I be called Abraham Fancyhide for nothing? Harrr!
There be many a lotion and ointment here, but four be important above all. If yer one of ‘em scurvy dogs who knows not how to use them, let me tell ye how a real pirate captain takes care of his skin.
The Precious, Precious Silver
First thing I do every morning bell be cleansing me face. If ye got nothing but sea water, then that must do for ye. But if ye can mix something in it, mayhaps some charcoal from a scorched English galleon, it be all the better!
After me face be clean, I reach for me toner. Using a toner be important, for it removes impurities, like scrubbing barnacles off the side off yer ship. Impurities or barnacles, send both to the depths.
For toning, I use TruSkin Daily Super Toner. It exfoliates me skin and leaves it clean, like the barnacle scrubber I mentioned. But there be more to this tonic than just that.
Ye might think that silver be only good for plundering off Spanish ships and spending in the inns of Tortuga. But ye be wrong, says I! There be much more to the shiny stuff than that!
The colloidal silver in me toner soothes me skin and reduces the effects of environmental stress. That be many a fancy word, so let me put it simply for ye - the silver repairs me skin from the harm of the cruel seas like a shipwright fixes the holes in me ship’s hull.
Since ye and I be pirates, we both know that ocean water has many a beneficial mineral. But jumping in the sea be not so smart - though the sharks would surely love yer for it, arrr!
Not to fret, though, for the Super Toner be loaded with ocean minerals. It lets me feel the splash of ocean water on me face without me having to walk the plank.
Vitamins for Scurvy and Skin
After I’ve applied me toner, it be time to use a serum. And nay, this be not like those serums the witches on far islands swamps be brewing.
Y’see, as much I love the sea spray, ocean water be salty. Add to that the constant sun in the high seas, and ye will find yer fancy skin drying up fast.
Using a serum helps me rehydrate me skin. Serums be finer and absorb faster than moisturizers. I be told that it be because them molley-cules in serums be much smaller.
As me serum, I be using TruSkin Vitamin C Serum. I knew this be the right one for me as soon as I heard its name. What pirate could resist vitamin C?
Scurvy be ever yer enemy when sailing the seas, and some vitamin C from a sip of lime juice (mixed with some grog, to be sure) be keeping the terrible sickness at bay. But there be even more to the vitamin.
The Caribbean sun be a harsh mistress, blazing down on ye all the time. Vitamin C helps protect me skin against sun damage, and repairs what damage already be done.
But not only that, this serum contains plenty of aloe, which be well known for soothing yer skin. Aloe be growing in Arabia, not in the middle of the sea, so it be a rare commodity to come by.
For this, I be always keeping me serum under lock and key. Keelhaul the dog who be trying to steal me precious aloe!
Under Me Eyepatch
Next in me skincare routine, I be reaching for me TruSkin Eye Gel. If ye be a pirate, ye will love grog. And if ye love grog, there be nights when ye drink a whole barrel! Harr harr!
But alas, in the morning, ye may be regretting yer decisions when ye wake with puffy and bloodshot eyes. All that saltwater and flying fish getting in me ol’ peepers nay be helping either, nor sweating under an eyepatch.
Lucky me then, that I pillaged me Eye Gel from the daughter of the mayor of Port Royal! Ye need only apply a dollop the size of a pearl - like the ones I’ve adorned me cutlass with - on yer fingertip and dab it under yer eyes.
But if ye be having a hook instead of fingers like me, don’t ye worry. The back curve of yer hook works just as well.
A doctor on Hispaniola told me that this gel contains “plant stem cells and peptides”. I be not exactly sure what they be, but I assume they come from plant stems. In any case, the doctor told me they be good for ye, to be sure!
Moisturize and It’s Anchors Aweigh!
Just like a pirate ship be nay complete without a Jolly Roger up the mast, yer skincare routine be nay complete without a moisturizer. Here I only trust TruSkin Vitamin C Moisturizer.
Need I repeat meself about all the good vitamin C does for ye? The more of it I can smear on me skin, the better, I figures.
This moisturizer holds many a natural ingredient, too. I read on the label scrawlings that there be green tea, sunflower, and dandelion in it, and many more.
My previous first mate once laughed at me for liking all ‘em flowers. So I made him walk the plank! All these things be smelling good and tasting good, and that’s why they must be good for yer skin too, says I!
There also be shea butter in me moisturizer. The shea nut be growing in deepest Africa, and so its butter be hard to come by in the Caribbean, but it be worth it. It protects me fine skin from the rays of the sun and the burn of the blowing winds in the high seas.
It also pleases me that I can apply makeup over this moisturizer. Like many a pirate, I wear kohl to protect me eyes from the sun’s evil glare. The Vitamin C Moisturizer gives me no problem at all, lest I would’ve already thrown the whole tube overboard.
So, now ye be in the know of the secret to me greatest treasure - me flawless skin! If ye be reading me scrawlings here, it means I sank to the sea on me latest dangerous adventure. Or maybe I found a bonnie lass who convinced me to give up me pirating ways, harrr!
Whatever the case, may these instructions serve ye well. Abide by them, and mayhaps ye be the next one to bear the title Fancyhide!
With me best regards,
Abraham “Fancyhide” Carver
A Scallywag’s Guide to Perfect Pirate Skin
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